Hey Now, ohhh, Hey Now, All you sinners, put your lights on...

I've been listening to music for most of this evening since I got out of work. I don't know something about music that soothes. I think I could just listen for hours, and let my mind drift to places it has never been. I really do find myself at a great peace when I am just listening to music. I was feeling the Santana vibe tonight, listened to Put your Lights on, a few times to say the least. When you look at the lyrics the song really doesn't say much, it just repeats a few things over and over again. But the music itself, I don't know, it just sort of is sending a message to like everyone. The message is sort of to everyone, what they fear, all that is wrong, that it just is going to get better. And, I gotta say I am down with that. I know that a lot of people that don't know me well think I am rather egotistical (sp?) and an ass/prick. But, I really try to do what I can to help people out, it takes a lot for me to really dislike a person. I just feel like there is good in a lot of people, and no matter what you do to me, I just can't do that back to you.

So, I have been kind of obsessed with burning movies as of late. I got an unlimited rental pass from Blockbuster, and I have been abusing it all to hell, haha. Lets just put it this way, you know it's bad when you sometimes go twice a day, each time getting out two movies, and those occasions happen more then twice a week, haha. My movie collection has grown much broader since I started. I figure I will stick in the action area 'til Briana returns. Though she is down with all movies, I know she favors other ones before action (though it is my favorite area). I might run out of my dvd's before I go into a new section 8-D ! Have to find some other new good sale and hook myself up.

I have been thinking about this summer more and more lately. And I really want to go camping, things just didn't work out last summer so I wasn't able to use any of the many tents I own *sad face* So I decided that I have to go at least a few times this summer. I hardcore want to go with just Briana at least once sometime. Especially now that I own my own car. It would be really nice to just get away from the world and spend sometime with her, I am sure she would enjoy that also :) I also want to go with some friends, I have decided that I would like to go with all my friends (I don't feel like listing them all). But if only a few went, I think Mike and Mark would be a cool combo with me and Briana. The four of us have hung out rather often in the last year, playing a lot of cards and just hanging out. When I think of just small group hang outs that have been fun, even though we never did anything special, they always come to mind.

Though, I am excited also cause Andy will be here for most of the first half of the summer cause he is interning, or something. So that should be cool, him being around, definitely means I will be playing some pool. Last I had heard Brian isn't really going anywhere, so I am sure that means that many nerd events will be happening.

So I was thinking also, that Briana and I havn't been on many double dates, only a few. And then I was thinking of how the two of us went to Rochestor, and Luke and Mia came, and we all crashed at Chrissys. And all-in-all that was a cool time. During the day party of the day I don't really see Luke that much, but I wonder if him and Mia would be down with going on a date with Briana and me. I think we could have some fun, hopefully they wouldn't be late moving furniture or anything ;)

All I know is it is less then a week until Briana comes and I am really excited, it is just this Sunday!!!! Last time she surprised me by coming a day early, so I geuss this time I will have to have some surprises for her :) (I thought of going to the airport a day early, but somehow that doesn't work out right...)

The Bright side:

I woke up this morning counting the days 'til Briana comes back to B-lo, it is almost just a week away! I am really excited for her to come back, I already have a few suprises planned for her :)
This summer I really hope the two of us can go on some road trips! The smell of spring and the warmth on my skin makes me just want to go, and not care where I am going.


On a Darker note, this was something I was going to post last night...

When I think of you all that comes to mind is how vindictive you are, how childish your actions truely are. I've tried to analyze you, and figure out why you do the things that you do, but in reality I can't. There is no logic for your actions. If a certain person or a certain event were to happen that bothered you, you would not react against that person or thing, but to me. Why is this? Don't you see that every time you do this you are simply making a fool out of yourself? I can understand your reasoning of this, maybe you are afraid of hurting the real person that is angering you, and I am just an easy target to you. But really, you are not solving anything. Your reactions are just making the problem grow. I hope you can see past yourself in the future, and maybe then you can actually live. Getting on everyones case and not letting them breathe isn't only hurting everyone around you but yourself as well. I am really done with your bullshit and how rude you can be.

10 Things I wish I could say...

1. I really think you need to move on in your life. I used to not like you, but now I just pity you, all of your hate deep inside it saddens me to see someone so torn up like yourself. You really need to let yourself move on. Let the past die.

2. You're a really good friend and I know you will always be there for me but I really want you to live your life. You are just finishing up your sophmore year of college and you are living like 50 year old. Sometimes you need to let go and do what you want to do no matter who gets mad at you, you have only one life, so live it.

3. I wish I could help you get over that one girl, it really sucks what she did to you, but you need to have more confidence in yourself. All women arn't bad (contrary to popular belief) and the only way you can figure that out is by experiencing it. Don't be so afraid of women and how they might over dramatize certain things, their good definitely out weighs the bad.

4. Out of all the people I know I probably make fun of you the most, and I hope you really don't think I am a douche for doing it but you should know that your personality is very close to mine. And I really don't want you getting screwed over by stuff that has already has happened to me.

5. I'm really glad this year we got to be better friends. And I am really glad you have opened up more to everyone and especially me, it makes things so much easier when you can just speak your mind. Though sometimes it bothers me, I have to say its the thing I like the most about you, the fact that you always do it.

6. It's a good thing you got over your first year mistakes, at first I really thought you were going down. That would have definitely sucked the big one. It's too bad you didn't go to UB we would have probably had a lot of crazy times, I hope we both don't get screwed over working different schedules this summer and get to hang out.

7. I have to say, when I think about you I shiver, for some reason you like to aim all of your hate at me from everything. I really don't understand why, am I just an easy target, is it cause you know that I will always react, since I hate it when I am wronged when I am right? Sometimes I really think you are spoiled, and when you say you want to go to another country I really think you should. You really need to get away from where you are now and start over, and just learn to do things by yourself, on your own. Just relying on others will only set you up for failure, and if it doesn't it leaves your feeling hollow inside, so stop doing it.

8. I've known you the longest out of anyone that I can remember, and I will probably be friends with you til the day that I die (cause we both know that will happen first, haha). Fate is strange since we always get seperated for a while then end up back togethor, and we never lose a beat. There isn't a thing we can't talk about. Oh, and you really need to just break it off with your girlfriend, sticking with her cause you don't want to hurt her, is a sucky deal, and there are other avenues availible for you.

9. So out of my friends I have to say we have the craziest conversations. It has to be because we only tell eachother things that we can tell almost no one else (especially for you). All the secrets that I know about you, and you I. If anyone else knew oh my, what would they think? I know you are ashamed of one in paticular but you really need to get over that and just let it out. Just let yourself do what it wants to. There are many other people like yourself, though you may not think so.

10. The first time I met you, do you think we would be where we are now? I don't think so, but I am very happy that it worked out this way. Things have been difficult sometimes, but there hasn't been anything that we wern't able to work through. I love you so much and sometimes you may not realize it but there really isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. You may be the most independent women I know. I just wish you could realize all of your capabilities and not be so unsure of yourself.

Long time no see bloggy

Well so some new stuff has been a happening since the last time I posted. I switched my major again, now I am going for History, I figure I will either be a high school teacher or preferrably a college proffesor. I'm hoping to specialize in Chinese history or native american history, cause well that would just be cool. So now I will have to take a language, which is most likely going to be Chinese, yeah its pretty crazy. I decided that I am going to make a board game, yes I am a complete nerd but oh well, who knows maybe on the slim possibility I will sell it and become rich!!! Haha...
Ok lets see what else, why I am growing a goatee again, keeps the cold wind from freezing my chin, always a nice thing. Briana will be coming home soon, I'm not sure if she will be too down with it, so I might be shaving it off, no biggie, cause hopefully it will be warmer then.
And on that note, score for Briana coming home a week from this Friday, I am really excited about it. I havn't seen her in two months! It will also be the first time we will be togethor on some form of a month anniversary since our one month, now that is crazy. We are also celebrating Valentines day a month late since we will be togethor, so that will be a good time. I decided to take that week off from work so I will be able to spend more time with her. It is going to be really nice to spend time with her. On the 17th a group of us our going to a lock in at lasertron, thats gonna be great. I just remembered to ask Dave Lewandowski, but I'm not going to see him til tuesday, it would be cool if he was up for it, I havn't hung out with him a long time.
Well that is the general gist of the situation, I am so happy that the sun is out longer now, makes my body feel much better.

Can't wait to see you in almost just one week babes! (since you are probably the only one who will read this haha)

Wonder if anyone will actually do this...

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

This POST is just for you!

That is right, it is just for you, oh and you know who you are...

So let's see, what do I have to say... Well first off I would like to quote my friend Andy, "Phil you only write in your blog when ______ says you havn't written in your blog in forever." Haha, it is so true...

So let's see my life, ah yes, I do have a life. Well, it began on February 7, 1986. It's still going, clearly by me writing in this blog (now wouldn't that be funny, I could write in this while I was dead; what a crazy form of communication this would be!). Ok, so yes, I can understand all of your frustration, you were hoping that the lack of my posts meant I was gone, but I am sorry to say that I have only used up 6 of my 1,000 lives...

So, the actually exciting thing is the fact that in 16 days I won't be in Buffalo!!!!!!!!! Because I shall be in Arizona, yeah baby! It will be my first flight, so crazy. But most importantly I will get to see Briana, my oh my, it has been like 3 months since I saw her last. It'll be nice to be able to watch movies and chow down on icecream with her again! Oh the good old summer days...

And just to remind you all, when I am in Arizona it should be like 70's and here in Buffalo it should be like 35, haha... This is going to be a blast!

Ok, I don't know what else to say...

Oh I really wish I could be sleeping...

But, I just can't. Right now, you are just on my mind, and I miss you. Oh how I want to feel your touch, to see your face. To be able to hold you as the night wanes, just the taste of your lips. Seeing these people on the TV screen makes me miss your sight so much more, oh how I wish I could see you, to see your smile, to simply be with you. It is what I really want right now. I am so jealous of the people near you. I would give anything to take their place...

"You do something to me that I can't explain, so would I be out of line if I said, I miss you"
-Incubus

When I am out it is ok, cause I am busy. But now here I am alone at 4am, and all I can is think of the memories we have, the time we've spent. And, I want them to be here again... I want to be with you again. Soon, I tell myself, Novembor 17th. It is just over a month away, we have been away from eachother for almost two months, so surely one isn't that bad...